This edition of Stupid Sports is much more clever than usual. Instead of making fun of people’s bad decisions, doctor I’m devoting this column to praising those who aptly addressed some of the more foolish sports-related issues. And since we’re nearing March Madness, try its only fitting to start out with some good old college basketball trolling.
Iowa State students mock Marcus Smart and it’s brilliant
Oklahoma State guard Marcus Smart is one of the top prospects for the 2014 NBA Draft. He led the Big 12 in steals last season – when he was a freshman – where he averaged 3 per game and recorded 99 total. This season, he tied the school’s single-game scoring record with 39 points in a win against then-eleventh ranked Memphis. And he is one of the 30 finalists for the Naismith College Player of the Year. But most notably, he is an in-your-face high-energy player who has a reputation for flopping.
Back when I was in college, there was no Twitter. Facebook came out when I was a sophomore and was there literally to help me see who I could get notes from when I slept through my 8am classes. And trolls? You mean those ugly dolls with Don King hair? Meh.
Now, things are different. Since we live in the age of the internet and college kids have nothing but time, some genius Iowa State student came up with a great idea to have the entire student section flop when Smart was introduced at the beginning of the game. If you don’t find that video funny then you must have no laughter.
Red Sox owner OWNS Marlins
On a scale of one to “I’d rather be sleeping”, baseball for me ranks close to “Hey there’s an episode of Law and Order: SVU on that I’ve seen ten times so I’ll watch that instead.” Not to say that I dislike baseball. Quite the contrary; I’ve been to a few White Sox games. Of course, it was called Comiskey Park back then and I’m pretty sure I was underage drinking bad beer. Regardless, live games are great; television games are not. I’m all for a good old catfight though, especially when it involves Twitter and rich old dudes. Yes.
So it’s spring training and the clubs are taking it a bit easy during their games to lead up to the season. Makes sense. You want to see the talent you’ve got, what they can do in which situations and then assess whether they’re a good fit for your roster. Well, the Florida Marlins don’t see it that way. In a recent matchup against the Boston Red Sox, Miami executives were pissed that the Red Sox started a bunch of minor leaguers. Why the hissy fit, you ask? Apparently, they charged premium prices for the fans to watch the defending World Series Champions.
Before I even get to the Red Sox’ response, let me tell you something about Florida. It’s awful. It’s also crazy. Some idiot shot at a laundromat’s change machine. Another moron got arrested for choking a swan. And then some other drunk dude was charged with a felony after smearing iguana “poop” on teenager’s head. These things really happen. And they happen in freaking Florida. Shit’s cray cray.
So when the Red Sox owner heard about the Marlins’ bitching, it only took him eight words shut it down.
Juan Pablo is a jackhole
Nikki should totally launch a line of doormats. #Bachelor
— Alyssa Hertzig (@alyssahertzig) March 11, 2014
You know, I had a spiel prepared about how I was going to miss Juan Pablo. The broken English. The abs. The sexy accent. The “ess oh-kay”. But then the finale happened. After he slut shamed Clare a few weeks ago, he then proceeded to say something pretty freaking terrible to her in private and finally dumped her in pretty humiliating fashion. When he picks Nikki, he doesn’t tell her he loves her. But even worse, he says he has a ring in his pocket but he isn’t going to use it.
Who would have thought at the end of this whole thing that Clare would come off as more emotionally stable than Nikki? And for Nikki to sit there and be treated like she was just some hot chick? Please. So here’s to Andi being a kick ass, secure and assertive Bachelorette on her journey to go on a great vacation, get free clothes and sleep with three hot — oh, what? This show is about love? Right, sorry. Good luck Andi.