The Olympics began last night with some events I don’t really care about. I’d tell you what they were, no rx but that would require like researching. Blah. But I did find some gems for you this week that include the sketchy media accommodations in Sochi, levitra the best real names you’ve ever heard from Signing Day, and an athlete who will go the extra distance off the field…for booze. Let’s get started.
Every Non-Russian in Sochi Hates Sochi
We all know that the Olympics are happening, with opening ceremony happening tonight on NBC. Yeah there’s been a lot of backlash about how Russia feels about gays, how awful the accomodations are and that one of the snowboarding courses may or may not kill you. But I’m guessing you haven’t heard about the media “swag bags” that, well, contain no swag.
Toronto Star columnist Cathal Kelly took to Twitter to show off Russia’s gift to him and the rest of the media.
Included are Sochi 2014 souvenir postcards, a passport holder, a suspicious looking pen, an eye shade that kind of resembles the gay pride flag (??), an ethernet chord, and a teddy bear. Yes. A teddy bear. And it’s kinda creepy looking.
National Signing Day Names You’ll Never Forget
February 5th was National Signing Day for all high school football players. And the best part about it – other than seeing if your favorite team got the best players (I went to Illinois. Enough said.) – are the names. I personally love creative (ahem…outrageous?) names so much that my friends and I have come up with extra names for ourselves. For instance, my friend Shanda occasionally goes by Appreciante` but she’s considering retiring that one
for Merleaux (pronounced Merlot). Why do we do this? Because we can.
And that brings us to Key and Peele. Remember their sketch when they brought together the best “college athletes” for the East/West College Bowl Game? All they showed were the starting lineups with the most ridiculous sounding names imaginable. It’s got almost 10 million views, and it’s a must-watch. Well, Jordan Peele went through the list of all the signees on February 5th and tweeted the best names along with their position and where they were going. The names were so good that he said there would be no more East West Bowl.
Tory Holt Gives You the Finger
Playing in the NFL is tough. You get hit all the time. You have to wear white spandex pants on national television. And some of those child support payments can really write a brotha out. But there are benefits, like this awesome photo of former pro Tory Holt giving you the finger…and it’s crooked.
Buffalo News NFL writer tweeted a photo of Tory Holt that is both gruesome and awesome. Since the photo may be offensive to some, I will just link to it here. Enjoy.
I Want to Hang out with Marshawn Lynch
Yes, the guy that wore a hat, hood and sunglasses INSIDE and refused to speak to the media. And no, I probably won’t have another Marshawn story until like August when the NFL starts up again. But this was too good to leave out. During the Seahawks Super Bowl Championship parade, Lynch risked his life to grab a fans bottle of Fireball whiskey.
Look, I’ve done some crazy things for some wine like driving to the store on black ice during the worst of the Polar Vortex. But potentially falling off a moving vehicle for Fireball? And is it even legal to drink outdoors on a float during a parade in Seattle? So many questions, so little answers. But yeah I wanna hang with Marshawn.