Lots to get to this week, sick so let’s cut the crap and get to it!
Jeter to Retire; Leaves Legacy On and Off the Field
So Yankees’ short stop, seek captain and face of the franchise Derek Jeter is retiring after the 2014 baseball season – his 20th in the league. First of all, how great would it be to be Jeter for like a week? He’s handsome. He’s rich. He’s a lock as a Hall of Famer. He has five World Series championships. His 3000th hit was a home run. And he’s slept with so many hot chicks that SportsNation did a baseball starting lineup with all the women he’s been linked to and they’re all bangers (yes, I’m straight, but still – impressive). Seriously. Some people are just charmed.
So in honor of Valentine’s Day (Weekend?), I thought it would be appropriate to share with you all that time Jeter stole some comedian’s girlfriend at a club. Long story short, Rick The Ruler flew into town to see a girl he was really into. They go out to a club, Jeter walks in, and – without Rick even realizing it – swipes his chick right up from under him. Check out his twitter rant. It’s hilarious. And sad. But great. Poor guy.
Super Bowl Fallout
Look, Divas, here’s a word of advice from a 29-year-old who has never had a real job and rarely pays her cell phone bill on time: let’s chill with the tattoos, ok? A wise person once told me that the kiss of death in a relationship is when people ink their partner’s name on their vaj. And the kiss of death in sports reverse karma is when you get a tattoo of your team being the Super Bowl Champs when your team actually got owned from start-to-finish. Fox seriously should have just shown new episodes of The Simpsons and The Mindy Project.
Unfortunately, this guy didn’t get the memo. Sigh. When will we as Americans learn to not get inked until its official.
Sochi? Still Sucks
I have yet to tire of the stories from how awful the conditions are in Sochi. From double-toileted stalls to it being f$#king 63 DEGREES (sorry, I’m still bitter about this awful winter here….), the tales of Russia’s inadequate preparation are just great. Which is why I got a good laugh about American bobsledder Johnny Quinn constantly getting stuck. First, he had to bust out of the bathroom (yes, like the KoolAid man). Then, he got stuck in an elevator. Luckily, he had a good sense of humor about it.
The Bachelor in 100 (ish) words of less
This is semi-sports related because Juanny Pabs did at one point play professional
soccer. I’m reaching, but still. This is important. Let’s talk Clare. I can’t with her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving her outfits and jewelry. But – and we’re friends now so I can be honest with you – Juan Pablo isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed and for Clare to be all “I’ve never met anyone with these qualities” is a bit suspect. What qualities, Clare? A six pack? An accented broken English? Yes, he’s hot. And I’d give up wine for a year to be one of those women interacting with him (okay, maybe not a year….three weeks?). But this is not your husband. He’s not even your boyfriend. Enjoy the fantasy suite, and then bounce. Besides, he’s clearly gonna pick Sharleen or Nikki anyway.