Brian Urlacher, diagnosis Chicago Bears
Position: Middle Linebacker
Hometown: Pasco, drugstore WA
College: New Mexico
Elise’s Nursing Assessment:
Sunday’s game against the Tennessee Titans has Bears fans wondering “do we even need an offense?” Charles “Peanut” Tillman forced four fumbles, Corey Wootton picked up a blocked punt for a touchdown, and Brian Urlacher returned an interception for a 46 yard touchdown.
Urlacher is not giving many reasons for critics to question if his knee problems have changed his game. Instead, he is showing fans that he’s just as tough as he looks (even though that barbed wire tattoo screams more “WT” than “tough guy”).
As the middle linebacker, Urlacher is the quarterback of the defense. He has the innate ability to read the opposing offense and spot holes that other players would never see. He reads the opposing quarterback’s eyes and body language to create an interception opportunity.
Not only is #54 a smart player, but he also plays the intimidation card. Getting sacked by him would be similar to getting run over by a bulldozer, and quarterbacks know this. The 8x Pro-Bowler’s presence is essential to the Bears, if anything, for mental reasons. He is a household name and continues to be the face of the franchise, regardless of who is in the QB position. Urlacher is just as much Chicago as a piece of deep dish pizza, although Derrick Rose is now the face of Giordano’s…Urlacher is more of a keg of 312 beer.
After 13 years with the Bears, Urlacher continues to impress and dominate offenses. The Bears will need this trusty vet to help take down the Houston Texans on November 11th.
Nurse Elise’s Recommended Prescriptions:
- Although it’s a subject that you never want to discuss, and I know you’ll ignore this regardless, don’t overwork your bad knee. The Bears need you for the long haul.
- Stay single. Your game seems to be more focused when you’re not in a highly publicized relationship. Let’s be honest, you don’t have the greatest taste in women or luck in long term relationships. It’s hard for us to forget that fling with Paris Hilton a few years ago. As a nurse, I would be happy to administer your penicillin shots if you ever have another encounter with her.